I should lobby for Randomness to be a word.

*yep.  One of those annoying ass blogs that you all love.  : P

* School is almost done for the quarter.  I took my Interpersonal Relations and Business Development exam on thursday.  I studied for six days, but her questions were so obscure and open to intrepretation that I'll be lucky if I got half of them right.  I need to accept the inevitable B for the course. 

* On a good note, though, if I get a 100 on my Math exam, I'll be the only person in Augusta Tech history to get a 100 for the Math 1012 course.  Pressure, anyone?

* I'm extremely jealous that everyone else is getting to meet Charne' and Rach.  Just Sayin'.

* Myspace was deleted because I got tired of the boy logging out every time I logged in.  It was giving me a complex.  So I did the stupid thing and posted a bulletin with the link to the FB profile.  The boy added me.  Now he logs out of FB every time I log in.  Shoulda just deleted the boy.

* Speaking of the boy, when will my heart realize what my head already knows?

* The other, more important boy is finally working full time.  I took him down there three weeks ago to make sure he still had a job...he did.  Made him explain that our unemployment ran out in three weeks and he needs to be working if he has a job.  Whew.  He's been to work every day for a week and two days.  I love it.

* This morning I was watching the news and saw the report of a truck driver that had been shot and killed at a truck stop not too far from where the boy works.  Told my mother this morning that I thought it sucked, it gave me yet another thing to worry about while he was out on the road.  Pick him up this afternoon and he comes to the truck with tears in his eyes, says "you know Billy's cousin Robert?"  Oh my god.  Robert Lee Stone, Jr.  The truck driver killed last night.  He worked with the boy, one of three drivers.  :(

* It hit way, way, way too close to home.  And then you think about how much we needed a break in life, and boy did we get one.  The job is pretty much secure now, but at the expense of someone's life.  Feeling a little guilty about my relief.

* My computer has a Trojan virus.  Thanks, Augusta Tech.  You'd better hope that come November 2 when I get my grant check the boy is still working.  I need a new computer.  I can no longer plug anything into the USB drives (except the ipods, because they are apple) and my computer freezes while I'm farming and playing with jewels.  hate, hate hate that.

Crazy Bitch

I don't quite know where this is going. I'm really tired. Exhausted, actually. My mind is racing, my heart feels like it wants to grow legs and run out of my chest. I should be asleep because I have a Weight Watchers meeting in the morning.

That makes me nervous, too. I've gained 10 lbs in the 7 months the ass has been refusing to work. One of the main reasons for going back to school. Other than the important one of realizing I can't count on my husband. I need to get out of the house and away from my refrigerator.

Tonight I caught the end of My Dog Skip. I shouldn't do that to myself since I own two Jack Russell's. It just made me sad, and then the tears came. Couldn't stop them. Not because of the movie. The last few weeks whenever I've wanted to cry my eyes burned. It physically hurt to cry. So I didn't. Let it all build up. Cried for an hour straight. *sighs* Feel a little better, but now I'm just angry. Imagine that. ;)

I don't like being this mean, bitchy person. Usually I'm laid back until you piss me off. It's hard to sit in this house with someone that you resent more and more each passing day. Just makes me think of greener pastures. Not like there are any, but I still think.

I'm not good at relationships. I'm the fatal attraction chick. Not really, but I'd like for someone to love me. Treat me well. They don't have to be rich - I'm not high maintenance. Well, maybe. I want attention and affection, appreciation and support. Does that make me impossible to please?

Or does that mean that the people in my past just didn't care enough? See, I think that if you truly love someone, those things I want shouldn't be a burden. It shouldn't make me a bitch because I have issues and I'm a little needier than most. My quirky issues should be the things that you love about me.

Don't get me wrong. When I think about past people that I've been involved with, there are one or two that I'm glad - now - that I wasn't a target for their love. Took me a loooong time to realize that, but I learned. Now I can't tell you how happy I am they didn't love me.

Then there are people that I think were stupid to let me go. I wonder to this day if people ever tell them they were dumb. That they let the best person for them get away. That they should have treated me better than they did. I doubt it. Boys never sit around discussing feelings and relationships, do they?