Brooke is Switzerland

To my former friend of 29 years,

    Look, I don't know why you had a tree limb up your ass this weekend, but I think you need to seriously consider finding religion or something.  A good psychologist?  Psychotherapist?  Maybe just a good ass beating?

    There are always times in life where your friends fight with your other friends.  When you grow up with the same group of girls, that shit always happens.  It was often hard to remember who, what, when and why people were pissy with others.  I always had the opinion that you could be bitter enemies with my best friend, but we were still cool because you hadn't done anything to me.  Carry your asses over there if you want to give dirty looks.  Brooke is Switzerland.

    The last time I saw you was almost five years ago for the wedding.  We were like old best friends that weekend, I have pictures to prove it.  Nothing happened in the years that followed, we were friends on facebook and everything was good.  Then this weekend you showed up and so did the gigantic attitude.

    I hate that you had to go through all the drama you had to deal with. I really do hate that for you. I can't imagine how I would react if I had to deal with the emotions of thinking your whole childhood was a lie. It wasn't, which is why I think you need to see a professional.

   I'm sure you were shocked when my best friend got over whatever it was you two were fighting about.  I really don't care that she asked you to stay the night at her house.  In fact, I was more than happy to leave you guys there to hash things out.  I didn't need to be a part of that, and I didn't need to walk into her house at 2:30 am drunk as shit.  I made myself comfy somewhere else - where you weren't ever likely to show up.  :)

   But you made the fatal mistake of not covering your ass, Sweetheart.  If you are trying to come between two people that have been friends forever - and you had her fooled for a day, she admits - you sure as hell don't show your attitude towards the other person in front of the one you are trying to impress.  All it took was for me to say something to her about it, and she looked for any signs.  Boy, she got them, didn't she?  hahahaha.

    Most of my childhood memories include you.  Joint birthday parties for years.  Stomping in the mud puddles waiting for the kindergarten bus.  Drinking our asses off before our mother's co-chaired Sober Graduation party.  I still have the letters you sent when you were a page in the senate.  There's a picture of the three of us that sits in a frame on my dresser.  Your dad's chemistry demonstrations.  I could go on forever here.

    That's what pissed me off.  I know how you are.  I know you know, too.  Maybe that's why you tried your best to get rid of me this weekend?  Because you knew that I would see right through you? 

    I had 8 hours to think on the ride home.  I started thinking of patterns the times you and I weren't so close.  The first one came after Beau.  You got pissed he liked hanging out with me better, didn't you?  Was it because towards the end of your relationship he didn't want to do anything with just you?  Then when the whole Alan thing happened, I was there. Sure was.  Drove her ass to him.  I just didn't know you were in love with him.  I was doing that shit in spite of Jennifer.

    So I started thinking about what started it this time.  Are you mad that the two friends you successfully made hate each other for years are now talking because of me?  Because I have enough pull with the stubborn one to make her realize that people change and when we were young we all did dumb shit?  Yes, I'm positive you created most of that drama. The other thing I could think of was I weigh less than I did last time you saw me, and I'm in college.  But I hate to think that you are jealous of me.  That's really pathetic.

    All I know is that I realized something this weekend.  I thought I was annoying in high school - ok, so I was annoying.  But you know what?  Not just the people we went to school with, but old friends from back home in general, still want to hang out with me.  There's no drama.  Brooke is Switzerland.

   But you didn't have anyone to go to besides people you hadn't spoken to in 3 or more years.  You had the option of my "joey apartment" or a hotel.  I just sorta felt sorry for you so I let you stay and I went somewhere else.  And man was I looking forward to that bed.   What you did was dirty and you gots to go.