I need to trust myself

More times than not, I cave into my husband.  Even when I have ideas of my own, I go with what he wants.  I don't know why I do this, other than I get tired of everyone doubting me so screw it, do it your way.

I'm right probably 90% of the time.  And I think I'm underestimating that number, too.  Its not because I think I know everything - quite the opposite.  No, I just imagine the worst possible outcome, and go with that.  Usually proves me right...lol.

This whole car thing is pissing me off royally.  I told Sean that we should have it towed to a shop because I thought the head gaskets were blown and the water pump is out.  No, he wanted to go talk to the mechanic instead, and tell him what I thought.  The mechanic said IF that was the problem, it would cost $2500 to rebuild the engine.  ugh.  At the mention of that, I wanted to talk to my friends step-dad, who is also a mechanic, to see if we could get an engine cheaper than that.  I left him a message but I didn't talk to him until tonight.

So we bought a cheap piece of crap for $1500.  With, of course, the expectations that it will get me back and forth to school until I'm done in the spring, and then when I got a job we could go about finding something more reliable.  This 96 Oldsmobile Ciera will do the trick. 

I'm also positive this car would not have been purchased if Sean's boss wasn't throwing hissy fits about Sean not having his own transportation.  See, you are tying our hands here - I can't fix the car until he works somewhat steadily, but you won't work him steadily UNTIL he has transportation.  I'm fucking trying here!

So when I finally talk to my friend's stepdad tonight and explain what I see is wrong with my car (where its leaking, turning the oil milky) and he tells me that he's changed hundreds of intake manifold gaskets on Chevy's and that's most likely what it is.  I tell him I think the water pump is bad, and he says "yep, that's what caused the intake manifold gasket to go bad, and that needs to be replaced too."  Wanna know how much he's gonna charge me to fix both?  $450.

Fuck.  I knew we should have held off on buying the car.  But Sean's boss called in a tizzy tuesday morning and was throwing another fit because Sean couldn't get there until I got out of school at noon.  So I just told him fuck it, you tell him you'll be there by two and I'll just go buy the damn car.  See what he's forced me to do?  Meaning my husband and his 'we-have-to-do-this-now-my-way' attitude.  Grrrrrrr.

All this means is that now I have to spend my grant money getting my car fixed, and hope I can sell the just-purchased vehicle for around 13-1400.  Also means no laptop this quarter.  GRRRRRRRR.  I was so looking forward to my laptop.  :(  (and I seriously have tears in my eyes typing that...I've overloaded myself with classes this quarter to get all of my grant money, and now I won't get my laptop reward.)

Because I didn't trust myself more and made the mistake of caving, once again.